For the little boy to come into our lives...

Adoption is just right. I know that there is a time and a place for all things in life. If I would have learned that, truly learned that, I would have saved myself three years of heartache. However, had I done that I wouldn't have grown or learned as much as I have in these past three years. Ha! I said grown! Hopefully that's the case anyway. 


I have been feeling like for a really long time that there is a little boy waiting to come into our family. What I didn't realize until a few months ago is that he is already here, waiting to be found by us, his family. The feeling is getting so much stronger that we are to search for our little boy. 


When we started talking about adoption, before Donnie was deployed, I knew it was something we needed to do but was so uncomfortable with the idea. It wasn't the right time. Then we found out Donnie was getting deployed and had to stop, again, not the right time but I was relieved, not sad. I had it stuck in my head that the only way I would be happy with adding kids to our family was through us, biologically. I know that Heavenly Father prepares us for all things and that had I not gone through my life and trials I don't think I would be where I am now and ready to accept and fully open myself up to the idea of adoption. 


What a blessing it is that these little babies can find homes that are better suited for them. Whether it's that they went to the wrong family ( I don't think so because God doesn't make mistakes) or that they just need more family (I'm thinking this might be it) we won't know but I do know that at this time in our lives adoption is going to work.


I am so excited about the possibility of our little boy. I know he's out there somewhere and it's just a matter of finding him. The first little boy that I fell in love with just by looking at him is a no go. We were told that we can't adopt out of state until six months after we finish the classes with DHR. They don't seem very interested however, in getting us started. Then yesterday something really strange happened. I have no idea if it's going to work out but it's a lead and that's what this life is all about, following the Spirit and following leads. 


So a friend of mine, a dear friend of mine, was on Facebook yesterday and we were chatting and catching up and I told her we are going to adopt. She asked if we were going through the church and I said no. We really want to adopt a toddler. I want to have my own baby, which I know I will do someday, so we want a little bit older. Anyway, I told her we were going through the state and she asked how we felt about one that wasn't in the system and I said of course! We are open to all possibilities and she told me that a member of her family had a baby who is now 18 months old. We talked about it last night and we are definitely taking the lead. We were really excited about it. It's strange, I'm excited but calm. Those two things, I wasn't aware, could exist in the same place. 


Anyway, we are waiting to hear back from her about what the grandparents want to do. She said they definitely want to be involved and how awesome is that? We would have three sets of grandparents for our kids! Not many are that blessed! So we are just waiting and praying. It's all very exciting! I'm going to have a little boy! EEEPPPP!!!!! Whether it's this boy or another, we are really excited! I'm even trying to think of what to do to the room. I'm thinking gray (thanks Corrie) with frogs. I love frogs. And then we can change it later to whatever but little boys like frogs right? How fun and so exciting! It's so true when one door closes another one bigger and better opens. What joy comes from this life.

Run with the law. (or away from it, apparently)

On Tuesday my dear husband, who lost his drivers license, military ID, and the form used to get the National Guard tags renewed, went to get a new drivers license. He walks up to the desk and proceeds to go through the typical responses on losing a license and needing a new one. The response that follows (or something like it, edited a bit for dramatic effect, of course): "Sir, your license has been suspended and you need to contact the Cleburne County imbasils who screwed up royally and pay us thousands upon hundreds of thousands of dollars so we can hire people who actually have a brain" (Ok, granted, I'm being a little harder on the system than I should be, HA! right...)

He leaves and calls the court house and receives these delightful instructions from the lady on the phone: "Um, dumb head, you have a warrant out for your arrest and you have been fleeing from the law for over a year. Turn yourself in and the rest will be harmless." He then is able to talk to the wonderful, compasionate, patient, country boy judge this side has ever seen. "Son, (spits in spitune) (can't spell it but you get the idea), you were to appear in court in 2008 (spit) and upon failure to uh, do so, you were (spit) issued a warrant and your (spit) license (spit) was suspended (spit, spit, spit). You need to uh, come in with some papers that show us you had (spit) insurance on the days in question." Donnie's reply, "I WAS THERE TWO DAYS AFTER IT HAPPENED AND TURNED IN A COPY OF MY INSURANCE BECAUSE OF THE IDIOT PEOPLE YOU HAVE WORKING FOR YOU THIS IS HAPPENING!!!!!!"

Ok, so seriously, not really, the judge was wonderful and the ladies that worked there were so nice. We went in yesterday and waited to speak with the judge after being told there is a 272 dollar fine and then another 150  to get his license back. The judge null somethinginged the 272 and we are currently working on getting the other 150 taken away.

Because after all, if the failure to appear in court was sent to an address lived at four years prior, you can't very well expect one to know they have to appear in court. DUH!!!!! So here we are today, he has to call the court house back and get them to send over a letter head, signed by the judge letter, stating that they did in fact, send out a notice but sent it to the wrong address and then they will be able to reinstate his license at no cost. Our argument is that if the judge threw it out because they screwed up, then the license was NEVER suspended in the first place.

So for a day and a half I was knowingly aiding and abbedding (again, I have NO idea how to spell that, stupid spell checker thingy, what good is it if it doesn't know how to spell either?) a fugitive of the law. Who's going to be friends with me know?

Our process of adoption....

Adopting is something that we have always wanted to do and for one reason or another have been dragging our feet and coming up with every excuse under the sun as to why not to do it. Well, the thinking and praying and that nagging feeling you have to do something hasn't gone away. We have decided to pursue this path at this time. I guess this is where I will keep people updated. It will be much easier.

So far we are at the paper work stage. We are going to go through DHR or the state rather than the church. As much as we would love to have a new born, debt isn't the way to bring a child into this world, and that is the only way we could do it if we had to pay large amounts for it. It is so sad to me to think of all the kids out there that need homes and can't have them because people can't afford to get them.

We are opening up every door possible to add to our family. We have been emailing back and forth trying to find the right people to contact. I think we may have found the person. We aren't picky about gender or race but we want a healthy baby and will not take anyone that is older than Josey. We are excited about the possibility that this new avenue will bring and are grateful to those of you wanting to share in our journey.

I'm also finding it hilarious how difficult it has been for me to choose a blog background! There are just too many cute ones. Too funny!

I'm thankful for the eternal perspective...

To know that there is a reason for all things is perhaps the most comforting knowledge of all. Not only that there is a reason, but that, as a wise friend has reminded me, Heavenly Father knows that reason. He is the one in charge of my life and because of that everything is always okay.

I am thankful during this thanksgiving holiday season that I have a family that I love with all my heart and that I am blessed to spend eternity with them. That is reason enough to be happy. But wait, there's more! I'm thankful that Josey still loves to run and snuggle up with me at night before falling asleep, I'm thankful for her getting jealous over the DOG sitting in my lap at night, too cute, I'm thankful that she is so smart and so beautiful, I'm thankful that I have been blessed to have her in my life. I'm thankful for my children that Heavenly Father has with Him. What a blessing to know of their safety and the warmth and comfort they get daily.

The hardest thing for me in this whole trying to get pregnant experience is truly turning things over to the Lord. I thought for so long that if I wasn't going to doctors and I wasn't taking the medicine and watching everything and trying all the time that meant I wasn't doing ALL I could and then turn it all over to the Lord. But I realized today that in doing all those things, For me and me alone, I'm not turning it over to the Lord. When I was receiving those promptings a few months ago I wasn't on any drugs and I wasn't doing anything but exercising. I was told by Heavenly Father to lose weight and my body would work right. I have lost weight and the month I did nothing was the month I miscarried, but I did get pregnant.


 So now I'm done. I'm giving over everything to Him. I'm done with the drugs, I'm done with the temperature taking every morning, I'm done with expectations of what I think is right. I'm going to live my life and enjoy it with my beautiful blessing of a daughter and I'm going to try with EVERYTHING I am NOT to be angry or hurt when I find out other people are pregnant. I'm done physically trying. I'm going to read my scriptures, keep the commandments and give up this crazy drive I have of control. I have never really given my life to the Lord and it's going to be a huge process. It's going to take so much but I am GOING TO DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

So here's my plan for the future. Fasting, praying, reading my scriptures, serving others, being a good example, fulfilling my calling, enjoying my hubby, enjoying my baby, and enjoying my life. If and when it is time to happen again, Heavenly Father will make it happen. I'm done trying to control it and I'm done month to month hoping. I have a deep hope that someday it will happen but I know my life, and the lives of those around me will be much better if I let go of this part of my life and truly turn it over to the Lord. It's going to be really hard and I'm going to try not to be afraid, afraid of failure, afraid that Heavenly Father won't ever bless me, afraid of not having control. I HAVE to do this! I HAVE TO DO THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Please help me. I know I can't do it alone.


I'm thankful that I have the Holy Ghost in my life to help guide me to the people I need most in one moment. The people that know exactly what to say. I received a blessing awhile ago and was told that I just need to listen to those around me and that the Holy Ghost will speak through them. It is so true and I am so grateful for priesthood blessings. I have gotten over this month of hurt and disappointment and anger very quickly because I took heed to what Heavenly Father has told me to do. I'm done living my life month to month and I'm going to start living it day to day. Enjoying everyone that I am blessed to live in.


I'm going to do what I can to change the world, my little girl at a time:)

Heavenly Father really loves me and is always looking out for me. He knows my heart and He knows the struggles I will endure before they arrive. I can't imagine how heartbreaking it must be for Him to see us, love us and want the best for us, yet still know what is coming and the heartache it will cause.

I know that through the atonement of Jesus Christ I have become a stronger person and I rely more completely on the Lord in my daily life. I am so grateful for my family and friends and for the strength they are to me. I know that in the end these trials of life will all somehow make sense and that right now they don't need to make sense. All that matters, all that I need to know is that Heavenly Father has it all under control.

Somehow that makes unbearable much better.

Josey is the best dang kid EVER!

Josey is awesome! She is thriving in ways that amaze us every day. This morning we were driving in the car on the way home from cleaning the church and we were talking about going to see Dora at Martins. We told her that she had to be good because we wouldn't be able to go unless she was. She said "Yeah, because Dora doesn't want to meet a mean Josey." She was just so matter of fact about it. I love this kid!
We went on a hike a few days ago and these are some of the things she discovered...

All the same leaf but who doesn't love looking at her?

her walking stick.

The kids new friend Gary. For anyone who knows Josey, you know she freaks out at the tiniest of bugs but Gary, all slimy and slithery she LOVED!

She even had to say goodbye.

We had a blast and she loves all her new friends. She is growing and learning so much everyday. It is amazing to watch her progress. She can count to 80 without any reminding and 100 with a bit of reminding. She is learning to write her letters and her name and is thriving in gymnastics. She got her back walkover thing on the bars and just loves her coaches. I'm so proud of my little munchkin and wish I had a ton more time to brag about her amazingness but alas, I do not want to waste the rest of my life bragging about her and no time enjoying her so off I go to have some fun with my awesomeness!

count your blessings

Benefits of having an only child.

Can ride with anyone anywhere because there is only two of us.
Can do lots of stuff on a whim because there are only two of us.
Can go on lots of vacations because we won't be dead broke.
No more dirty diapers.
No more middle of the night wake ups.
Almost done with tantrums.
Having a great time with my girl.
Being able to spoil her rotten.
Josey.
No more stretch marks.
No more csections.
No more morning sickness.
No labor pains.
No having to decide home birth or hospital.

That's lots of good things. Josey is such a blessing in our life. I'm so grateful for our girl.