this roller coaster we call adoption. WEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!

So not even approved yet and the fun begins. Now that the family has all been informed (most anyway) I can post our real update on here. Nothing for real and certainly not huge but worth mentioning. When I began this adventure I decided I would take it in stride and for what it was but now I've decided that I will get excited about every possibility and prepare to the fullest for each.

I am quite certain that my days of ttc (my still days) were and are all in preparation for this. I believe this to possibly be harder and maybe more frustrating at times because it's not only relying completely on the Lord but I really and literally have no control over the choices the other parties involved will make.

I will mourn in times of mourning and rejoice in times of joy. That sounds funny, but it is true. This is and will be the most exciting and possibly a more heart breaking (at times) journey than just trying to have a biological baby. So as of today we are excited about the possibility.

On with the point... While we were meeting with Jenni, we mentioned that we had checked into DHR and the thought came to her of two kids (two girls) that were possibly needing a home. Grandparents are wanting a family that is young to be able to give them what they would most enjoy. I can't imagine how hard that decision must have been but so grateful that it has been made. There is another couple who is considering it and they are also preparing for a birth mom to place with them as well. So we are back up. We may have a 9 year old and a 1 year old. This is obviously all up in the air and like I said we have NO control over it. Thankfully, though if they don't come to our home they will be going to another LDS family which comforts me.

It's very strange the way Heavenly Father works in our individual lives and how even if you don't pray for things you receive answers and confirmations to questions and situations to come. I'm definitely not sure why things work this way but nevertheless, they do. I'm thankful for a testimony and my ability to acknowledge the Lord's promptings in our lives. We are open to many situations and are so looking forward to the day we bring our baby (or babies) home.

At first I was telling myself and our family not to get their hopes up but really, why not? We will be sad no matter what if they don't come to us so why not enjoy the possibilities as they come. This is a really big milestone for me to have reached in my life because I used to always think the worst and expect the worst so as to not be disappointed with the outcome. But really? Life is too short for negativity and too many opportunities are lost in sadness so I'm trying, striving, everyday to make that day a happy positive one. I'm so looking forward to things to come and so enjoying it as it is.

And remember to remind me to reread this post when I'm back to the blah attitude:) Thanks in advance. Oh and just a warning: please remind me to read this and nothing else or you have the potential and great possibility of losing your head:)

A very productive trip...

Yesterday, all day long, Josey was so excited to go on our 'mini' vacation. It was fun. We left yesterday and went to Atlanta for the night. We got to our hotel, went to eat and tried to swim but between all the people in the gallon of water and the thunder we ended up swimming in the bathtub in the morning. (Yes it was big enough) . She was such a good sport.

Then today, best of all we met with our new case worker and had our interviews. We only have the home study left and then we will be approved! I will admit, I was losing my desire to adopt because it had been SO long since anything had happened, but today, after talking with Jenni, both of us are so super excited! We can't wait to find our baby or kiddo's or whom ever the Lord has in mind for us. 

Our fire has been rekindled and we are so excited! Josey was a nut and woke up this morning at like 4 our time. I don't know what got into her but she was ready to go. Donnie and I were sleeping in between excited comments. She is a doll. Then she got to nap on the way home and alas, we are still exhausted, no nap no thing and very happy (better than not) four year old wanting to PLAY PLAY PLAY!!!!! I love our family. 

We were discussing today what we will do if we are blessed with more than one kiddo and we decided on bunk beds for Josey and her new sibling. EEEKKKK!!!!! The excitement boileth over! (I know, not a word:) 

This is so hard...

It really is so hard for me to keep a blog. I don't ever know what to say about us. I sit down to do it and by the time I pick the background I've run out of time to actually post. Why do I feel like my background says a lot about who I am? I suppose I'm a dork. That would explain it, right?

We have finally finished all of our paper work and are meeting with our new social worker on Saturday. Thankfully, we now have someone who knows what she is doing. She is a wonderful help and is very proactive and helping us find our baby. I'm so grateful that things are beginning to go forward again. It is very disheartening at times to not only have to deal with pregnancy announcements now but also other's adoption announcements and progressions when ours had been at a stand still for so long. 

Partly my fault and partly the fault of all the legalities but as I have said many times over, Heavenly Father has it all under control and when it is our time, which it will be some day, He will provide us with our blessing. As all trials in this life are meant to do, my struggle with having more children has helped me grow closer to my family and the Lord. I am grateful for the experiences that I have had to help these things happen.

I remind myself daily, and try to picture in my head, what Heavenly Father would say to me if He were sitting next to me. I can hear Him very plainly telling me "Just wait! It is going to be so much better than you can ever imagine." Not only does that thought bring me peace but it gives me a firm hope that what we desire more than anything in this world will come to pass. I'm grateful for that knowledge.

We are so excited to continue on this journey and can't wait to be approved so we can begin searching for our birth family. We are excited to not only welcome a new baby into our home but a whole new extended family as well. I am going to try my very best to keep this updated so we can pass this info onto our birth parents. 

If you know of anyone who is looking for an adoptive family, please send them our way. It is a journey we would love to share with any of you willing to help:)

As for us, Donnie is doing amazing. He is a great dad and an awesome husband! I love him more now than I did when we were first together. I never understood what people meant about that but I'm beginning to understand. He is going to be finishing up his last year at JSU. Finally! We are excited what that holds for us in the near future. 

I am going to start school again in the Fall in Graphic Design and Photography. I will also be taking some drawing and painting classes. It's something I have always wanted to do but never had the courage to do it. I am so grateful for my family supporting me in this new adventure. 

Josey is incredible. I don't really need to tell you that though, as I am sure all of you that know her will agree:) She is learning to read and is working really hard to learn the sounds of the letters. She can write her first and last name, count to one hundred and is willing to be friends with anyone. She loves to help cook and do the dishes! How I hope that one sticks around forever! She is such a beautiful little girl and I'm so grateful for her in my life. I wouldn't be me without her. We wouldn't be whole without her. 

Not much else is new in our lives. We will be getting some cards to pass out to pretty much everyone for our adoption so if you are willing to pass some out please let us know and we will get them in the mail to you.