I'm thankful for the eternal perspective...

To know that there is a reason for all things is perhaps the most comforting knowledge of all. Not only that there is a reason, but that, as a wise friend has reminded me, Heavenly Father knows that reason. He is the one in charge of my life and because of that everything is always okay.

I am thankful during this thanksgiving holiday season that I have a family that I love with all my heart and that I am blessed to spend eternity with them. That is reason enough to be happy. But wait, there's more! I'm thankful that Josey still loves to run and snuggle up with me at night before falling asleep, I'm thankful for her getting jealous over the DOG sitting in my lap at night, too cute, I'm thankful that she is so smart and so beautiful, I'm thankful that I have been blessed to have her in my life. I'm thankful for my children that Heavenly Father has with Him. What a blessing to know of their safety and the warmth and comfort they get daily.

The hardest thing for me in this whole trying to get pregnant experience is truly turning things over to the Lord. I thought for so long that if I wasn't going to doctors and I wasn't taking the medicine and watching everything and trying all the time that meant I wasn't doing ALL I could and then turn it all over to the Lord. But I realized today that in doing all those things, For me and me alone, I'm not turning it over to the Lord. When I was receiving those promptings a few months ago I wasn't on any drugs and I wasn't doing anything but exercising. I was told by Heavenly Father to lose weight and my body would work right. I have lost weight and the month I did nothing was the month I miscarried, but I did get pregnant.


 So now I'm done. I'm giving over everything to Him. I'm done with the drugs, I'm done with the temperature taking every morning, I'm done with expectations of what I think is right. I'm going to live my life and enjoy it with my beautiful blessing of a daughter and I'm going to try with EVERYTHING I am NOT to be angry or hurt when I find out other people are pregnant. I'm done physically trying. I'm going to read my scriptures, keep the commandments and give up this crazy drive I have of control. I have never really given my life to the Lord and it's going to be a huge process. It's going to take so much but I am GOING TO DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

So here's my plan for the future. Fasting, praying, reading my scriptures, serving others, being a good example, fulfilling my calling, enjoying my hubby, enjoying my baby, and enjoying my life. If and when it is time to happen again, Heavenly Father will make it happen. I'm done trying to control it and I'm done month to month hoping. I have a deep hope that someday it will happen but I know my life, and the lives of those around me will be much better if I let go of this part of my life and truly turn it over to the Lord. It's going to be really hard and I'm going to try not to be afraid, afraid of failure, afraid that Heavenly Father won't ever bless me, afraid of not having control. I HAVE to do this! I HAVE TO DO THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Please help me. I know I can't do it alone.


I'm thankful that I have the Holy Ghost in my life to help guide me to the people I need most in one moment. The people that know exactly what to say. I received a blessing awhile ago and was told that I just need to listen to those around me and that the Holy Ghost will speak through them. It is so true and I am so grateful for priesthood blessings. I have gotten over this month of hurt and disappointment and anger very quickly because I took heed to what Heavenly Father has told me to do. I'm done living my life month to month and I'm going to start living it day to day. Enjoying everyone that I am blessed to live in.


I'm going to do what I can to change the world, my little girl at a time:)