hopeful and hopeless

I've been contemplating a lot lately about the Book of Mormon and the effect that it has had on the world. Since coming forth millions of people have read it and began following it's teachings. Some of turned it away. Before I joined the church I didn't have to read the Book of Mormon to believe that it is scripture. Joseph Smith is and was a prophet and that was all I needed to know at that point.

I look at the things that have changed in my life and how grateful I am for those changes. I have a child and a husband that I will be sealed to for not only this life but the eternities of lives to come. That in and of itself makes every little act, thought and decision, incredibly worth it.

As most of my blog readers know we have been trying to get pregnant for a long time. This 'infertile' problem that started 3 years ago January has given me cause to reflect. I have had an incredible journey and it continues. Some days, like today I have those moments of hopelessness. However, they are brief and pass quite nicely. This is because of my testimony of Christ's atonement. What that means in my life and above all a sure knowledge of a plan of salvation and a Heavenly Father that loves me more than I can ever imagine another loving.

I hate trying to get pregnant. I hate the disappointment each month brings. I hate the sadness, the anger, the wonder, the doubts and everything else that goes with this trial. However, more than the hate there is love. Again, love for the same things I mentioned earlier but above all that a love for this gospel and for the Book of Mormon. I brings hope and light where there is NONE. It brings pure joy and love to those around me and makes me again, so grateful for what I have been blessed with.

I'm pretty sure there will be tears this day for another cycle coming and going, but at the end of the day, because of my faith in Jesus Christ, I will put a smile on my face, and have my warm fuzzy feelings back to get me through the next one. After all, that's what this life is for. Love and hate, joy and sadness, pleasure and pain, so that we might know the true measure of love when we do someday return to our Heavenly Father.

See I feel better already. I really do love blogging. Sorry for the blah blah blah.... It really feels as though it gets old and redundant. Oh well, that's the beauty of blogging. If you don't want to hear it, then don't read it:)
I guess I should put that at the beginning.