positive eventually runs out.

It's so hard to stay positive all the time. Today is definitely a down day. Or maybe down week. Frustrations are creeping in (which I HATE) and I'm making the choice and working really hard to get them out. We are still awaiting our home study. All the things have been approved and all we are waiting for is the person to come to our house. It's frustrating because we keep seeing kids online we are interested in and are told "send us your home study" Yeah, would if I could! I know it will happen in time and we are holding out but the comments are coming more often from Josey which is just heart breaking because there isn't anything left that I can do. We've exhausted all our efforts at this point and so we wait...

The good news is that I am the first counselor in Young Women's again! I'm so excited about that and I love, love, love that I'm going to get to serve the beautiful girls in our branch. I'm so excited to get to know them. I'm excited to serve with Emily and Lynn. I think we are going to be a good bunch. Once we get the hang of it at least. Hopefully no one will suffer long while we get there. It's going to be a fun and wild ride!

On an awesome note Josey is reading! It's incredible how fast she is picking it up and how patient she is with me. I am awful and have to remind myself a million times during each lesson that it's so hard to read when you don't know how. We have survived 11 lessons and she is reading words ending with ap, as, ad, ab, ig, ip, and so many more! She blows my mind at how receptive she is and she is teaching me SO much everyday. I love her and I'm so grateful for her in my life.

Donnie and I are the same. Growing stronger together, hopefully. He is the Secretary in the Stake Young Men's Presidency and loves it! He loves working with the YM and loves being able to give input in regards to the program. He is still working and still going to school. He said the other day he has been in college longer than he was in elementary and high school. So that's like 13 years. We haven't quite reached that mark yet but we are getting close. However, he has taken breaks for very important and honorable things that neither of us would give up or change for anything.

How grateful I am for the knowledge that Heavenly Father knows me personally and knows my struggles and trials. I'm grateful that I am not in this life alone and that I will make it despite the down times. I'm grateful for the Spirit in my life that it can comfort and lift me.

Excited to see what is behind the next door.

I received a message yesterday from the Grandmother of the two girls. We were going to go meet them this weekend but plans have changed. At first I was angry, hurt and felt betrayed. Then I gathered my senses and was grateful for this woman who cares so much for her girls that she is willing to what is best for them. I was heart broken and so sad at the opportunity we would have had to raise those beautiful girls. However, she knows what is best and I agree with her decision completely.

They have found another family who lives close to them that is interested in adopting them. Which would mean they would always be close to their biological family which is a great blessing. We were disappointed but understanding to their needs. After all, being a good mother requires doing what is best for children, even if it isn't what you want.

I'm grateful for the opportunity that I had to share in the lives of these people and for the friendship that was formed. If only briefly and I will continue to pray that they are blessed with all they stand in need of.

As for us we move on to the next step in the adoption process. Being approved. Wait? Still waiting? Really? Seriously? Yup. Still waiting. Our caseworker is working so hard for us and we are so grateful. We also know that Heavenly Father has a plan for us and when it comes into place it will be the best thing for everyone. We are excited to see what will come and are really looking forward to meeting our future birth mom and welcoming her with open arms into our lives.

P.S. If anyone knows of someone in Alabama that can do home studies please let me know. They have to have MLSW, PIP and something else. Can't remember right now but pass it on if you know of someone.

blog blog blog = blah blah blah?

First I must say I love Pandora Mormon Tabernacle Choir channel. Best songs ever!

Next I have to say that next week can't get here soon enough! We are going to Chattanooga to meet the babes we are hoping to adopt. I am so nervous and my patience, or lack there of, is starting to show. As if it hasn't already. I have this problem with waiting, always have, always will. I had a doctor tell me once that I'm a control freak. I wouldn't go that far but I like control. That's why it has been such a hard road coming to the place where I totally rely on the Father in all things.

We have found an attorney that is going to be most helpful. He actually took the time to call me back, not knowing for sure whether we would hire him, and talk me through the entire process. We will hire him. He is the most affordable and thankfully the one I get a good feeling about.

I already know it's going to be so hard to leave next weekend. I am so looking forward to it but I am really nervous! Mostly about the girls. I am praying they feel the same about me as I do them. What a blessing this whole process has been.

And that's it. My brain is not functioning properly today.

Wow! No spelling errors today. Maybe.

Happy Sunday

We got to see our new Stake Presidency today, well, minus one but he's there all the time so we've seen him. Their whole persona's have changed. I love to see men with these heavy callings and the way they grow in an instant. The whole process is amazing.

Still waiting for our two weekend's from now. Time is slowly going. Lawyers are lawyers and won't return phone calls and home study's are going to be happening soon. I'm enjoying Josey and loving her every moment. Well, not the sassy ones but all the others. We've had lots of sass lately. Not sure what her deal is but hopefully just a bump we will get over soon. We are certainly working through it.

The Spirit at church today was very strong. I love Sundays like this. And now dinner with friends and family. Can't ask for more. Except the rest of my family. But soon enough...

Trying my hand and eye at photography

Great moment of stillness in time

Add caption

Cozumel

It was SO HUGE!

This is next to the street in Cozumel

These are all over the streets. It was awesome!

This was the bit of beach we got in Cozumel. It was on the side of the road.

We actually had to pay for this but the guy said it was for a good bird cause. Cool nonetheless. 

The bird had already eaten my earring and was proceeding to eat my clip.

The water was gorgeous.

Looks like a map of clouds.

I see a hurricane. Anyone else?

The clouds are so fluffy out there.

This is what we came home to in Tampa. 

So peaceful in the middle of the Gulf.

Of course, Donnie took this one. I can't take credit. It's pretty amazing though.

This is in Birmingham behind the Chick-fil-a on the way home from the Temple. Hilarious! We actually turned around to take a picture of it.

Josey feet and can you guess what kind of feet?

Wave

All the so far girl cousins. Can't wait to add the others.

Gorgeous sunset.

The waves actually made the picture look like this. just kidding.

this is one of the best pictures I've ever taken.

Our trip to the Lamanites (sort of)

These are some of the pictures from the ship on our cruise.

I actually took this one. It was sitting on the front of the ship which had an amazing view and an amazing breeze.

This was Wency our waiter. He is from the Phillipines. He was so much fun and treated us like royalty. The food really made the cruise. I came home unable to eat normal food.

Josey being cute Josey. She took that one too. Unfortunately there wasn't much to do.

Well, I can't get the layout pretty but you get the picture. Or pictures. LOL!

Josey getting her hair wrapped in Cozumel.

Cool slide. Couldn't go down because Josey was a tad too short. Big fat bummer.

They actually had towel folding programs on board.

don't know how to rotate. Kind of looks better this way.

This is Cozumel with the sun coming up and us into port.

These are some of the friends she made on board.

So much has happened.

I will save the best for last. And worst for first.

First I have to say, I'm trying to kick Josey out of my room, well, I say kick, I'm nicely suggesting she go play with her toys so I can blog. UGH! I guess that's what happens when she won't sleep past 630. I am drinking a slim fast, not because I need to lose weight but I thought I'd try it since they were in my fridge. Donnie was needing to lose weight for drill in Sept but they pushed it to Oct so he's doing the same thing he always does to lose weight. NOTHING! UGH! The fairness in the ability of men to lose weight is incomprehensible. I can't even think about it the unfairness of it. Although, I just was so now I stop. Really stopping. Until I take another swig of this horrifying chocolate gueeewwww. I don't know how to even spell a word to describe the awfulness. Although, now I'm not thinking of the men losing ugh! there it goes again.... OK, moving on to better things.

Josey gave a talk yesterday in Primary. Well, she tried. She's so tenderhearted and can't stand attention when she's embarrassed. She buried her head in me and cried. She has done other talks and I know she will do fine next week when she is given the opportunity to go again. I love my little girl. She is such a strength and example of Christ's pure love for us. Josey likes the slim fast. How funny is that. There was only a tiny bit left but she gulped it down. I don't know how people can get full on that because now I've had the calories and am NOT filled up.

Moving on....

So our home study that was supposed to happen on Saturday didn't because there isn't anyone who has the right qualifications. Stupid Alabama. I have to say that this state is so slow and backwards in EVERYTHING! I love the ability that it has to keep God in lives but the laws are so outdated. I know that Heavenly Father has a plan in all things and control so I know it will work. And doing a private adoption could possibly save us money. So it will be better how ever it ends up working. More details to come on that at a later date. I should be receiving an update sometime today on the status. Pretty much my thinking (which is usually wrong) is that the state wants people to adopt kids in the state (which makes sense) and doesn't want other states involved. Now, in most things I am totally supportive of state's rights, just now when it personally affects me. Just kidding. But adoption should be a national thing. Every other state is open to this idea. Just not Alabama. But they have been against us from the beginning of our parenting so it's no surprise that this is too. That being said, I love living here and I will be contacting my representative.

Onto the good news. Or rather fantastic news! We are meeting the family that I have been talking about in September. The one with the two girls. I have spoken a few times to their grandma on the phone and she is such a sweet lady. Cares so deeply for her babies and I'm grateful she's trusting enough to allow us to meet them. I am all set to make plans but Donnie wants to wait until we all meet. Which is a good thing. I need to be more level headed but a mom just knows. So my emotions are all in but my head is being leveled out by my husband. LOL! That sounds hilarious! Not in a literal way of course. leveling my head! Sometimes I'm just  TOO funny!

I am going to begin contacting attorneys to find out the next step should we decide to move forward. I'm excited and anticipating mid September. I have seen some pictures of the adorable angels and have fallen in love! I can't wait to meet them. I really feel like at this point our families are going to fit together wonderfully. It's amazing the trials and avenues that we travel in this life to finally reach a point where it all makes sense.

After talking with our caseworker on Saturday and hearing the news that we are still at a stand still with the approval process for the adoption I felt fine. Greatly comforted in the testimony that I have of the Lord that He knows all things and can see the bigger picture. I am now and have been, but now especially, grateful for the struggles I have been through with infertility. The roads that have led me to this place. To meet this family at this time. The Lord truly knows what He is doing. Of that I have a firm and unending testimony.

step who knows which one

Step one: Contact LDSFS
Step two: Fill in monsterous loads of paperwork.
Step three: Individual interviews.
Step four: Possibility of kids.
Step five: Wait to find out about possibility of two girls.
Step six: Wait to hear about whether the other family has decided to adopt the girls.
Step seven: Wait for Jenni to get back from forever awesome summer travels.
Step eight: Keep waiting but getting excited!
Step nine: Paint baby's room because someday there will be one. Leave one blank in case it's a boy or a girl.
Step ten: Wait.

So we've made it passed step ten onto step eleven. When we return from our trip from Florida (which is where we are now and loving every minute of it) we will await a phone call from the Grandma of our two maybe's. We are praying our maybe's turn into our definites. That's right. The two girls we were waiting to hear about, we've heard and are headed to meet them when we get home. We will provide an adoption plan and proceed with it. Donnie is being very cautious I think but my heart is already in it. I am already considering myself a mom of three beautiful girls. It will be a major adjustment but it will be so good for our family.

I can't remember if I posted the experience from church a few weeks ago but Sister Otis was there and was talking about the temple. I was day dreaming while listening and wondering if Josey will be able to go into the temple will we are all sealed together and imagining the day and what it is going to be like. During my day dreams Sister Otis was about to finish her talk and relayed a story (an unplanned story) of how she was able to attend the sealing of a family who had adopted a 9 year old girls and at the end of the sealing the sister had gotten up from the alter and went in a circle and hugged all of her new sealed togther family. My mom and I immediately looked at each other and were both full of tears. I was so giddy after that and kind of knew that it would all work out.

I'm so excited for what's to come. Not looking forward to all the legal stuff but as all things that Heavenly Father is in control of, this will go off without a hitch if it is His will. And thankfully we have Him on our side. It's going to be a long process but the day we are able to attend the temple and have all of our hard work and waiting sealed in the presence of our Lord and our Father, it is going to make every second worth it! EEEEkkkk! Is really all I can say.

It's kind of crazy to think that we will soon (I suppose for just in case sake, possibly) be the parents of three adorable girls. It's so exciting!

still waiting

Our caseworker is out of town and we are dying (me more than Donnie) to hear about the girls. Our girls I keep calling them. Whoops. I'm getting way ahead of myself. I have my entire house planned out for when they arrive and falling in love with them more everyday. Now, this being said, we have seen a picture once, briefly, and still can't remember their names.

Yes, I will survive if this ends the other way. But am so excited to possibly have three girls in the next few months! Phew! What a crazy ride that will be! Can't wait for the amazing things to come.

Come what dreams

So a few nights ago I had this marvelous dream about all my girls being together. We had three the two angels we are biting nails off waiting to hear about and our sweetness Josey. It was a fantastic dream. We were a happy family. We were playing and eating dinner and normal family things. It's really hard to have their picture in my mind. I'm so grateful that I don't remember there names. I'm sure that my mind blocked it out so I wouldn't get too attached. But, who am I kidding, I love them already and can't remember their names. I so care about what happens to them and I am praying good things will come in their lives.

Then last night I had a dream that the call came and it was in the other direction. I heard so clearly in my dream "they are going to the ***'s." I was so sad I actually woke up and looked around. I know that these darling girls will go to the family they are meant for I am just praying that it will be the best for them. It's amazing how we can love what we don't have just by loving the idea of them. I have no doubt that if we are blessed with these two girlies we will and already do love them as our own.

It's amazing the blessings that come from making the decision to adopt. I truly believe Heavenly Father allows our brains to remember and forget things to help us on our journey. I never knew that until now.

this roller coaster we call adoption. WEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!

So not even approved yet and the fun begins. Now that the family has all been informed (most anyway) I can post our real update on here. Nothing for real and certainly not huge but worth mentioning. When I began this adventure I decided I would take it in stride and for what it was but now I've decided that I will get excited about every possibility and prepare to the fullest for each.

I am quite certain that my days of ttc (my still days) were and are all in preparation for this. I believe this to possibly be harder and maybe more frustrating at times because it's not only relying completely on the Lord but I really and literally have no control over the choices the other parties involved will make.

I will mourn in times of mourning and rejoice in times of joy. That sounds funny, but it is true. This is and will be the most exciting and possibly a more heart breaking (at times) journey than just trying to have a biological baby. So as of today we are excited about the possibility.

On with the point... While we were meeting with Jenni, we mentioned that we had checked into DHR and the thought came to her of two kids (two girls) that were possibly needing a home. Grandparents are wanting a family that is young to be able to give them what they would most enjoy. I can't imagine how hard that decision must have been but so grateful that it has been made. There is another couple who is considering it and they are also preparing for a birth mom to place with them as well. So we are back up. We may have a 9 year old and a 1 year old. This is obviously all up in the air and like I said we have NO control over it. Thankfully, though if they don't come to our home they will be going to another LDS family which comforts me.

It's very strange the way Heavenly Father works in our individual lives and how even if you don't pray for things you receive answers and confirmations to questions and situations to come. I'm definitely not sure why things work this way but nevertheless, they do. I'm thankful for a testimony and my ability to acknowledge the Lord's promptings in our lives. We are open to many situations and are so looking forward to the day we bring our baby (or babies) home.

At first I was telling myself and our family not to get their hopes up but really, why not? We will be sad no matter what if they don't come to us so why not enjoy the possibilities as they come. This is a really big milestone for me to have reached in my life because I used to always think the worst and expect the worst so as to not be disappointed with the outcome. But really? Life is too short for negativity and too many opportunities are lost in sadness so I'm trying, striving, everyday to make that day a happy positive one. I'm so looking forward to things to come and so enjoying it as it is.

And remember to remind me to reread this post when I'm back to the blah attitude:) Thanks in advance. Oh and just a warning: please remind me to read this and nothing else or you have the potential and great possibility of losing your head:)

A very productive trip...

Yesterday, all day long, Josey was so excited to go on our 'mini' vacation. It was fun. We left yesterday and went to Atlanta for the night. We got to our hotel, went to eat and tried to swim but between all the people in the gallon of water and the thunder we ended up swimming in the bathtub in the morning. (Yes it was big enough) . She was such a good sport.

Then today, best of all we met with our new case worker and had our interviews. We only have the home study left and then we will be approved! I will admit, I was losing my desire to adopt because it had been SO long since anything had happened, but today, after talking with Jenni, both of us are so super excited! We can't wait to find our baby or kiddo's or whom ever the Lord has in mind for us. 

Our fire has been rekindled and we are so excited! Josey was a nut and woke up this morning at like 4 our time. I don't know what got into her but she was ready to go. Donnie and I were sleeping in between excited comments. She is a doll. Then she got to nap on the way home and alas, we are still exhausted, no nap no thing and very happy (better than not) four year old wanting to PLAY PLAY PLAY!!!!! I love our family. 

We were discussing today what we will do if we are blessed with more than one kiddo and we decided on bunk beds for Josey and her new sibling. EEEKKKK!!!!! The excitement boileth over! (I know, not a word:) 

This is so hard...

It really is so hard for me to keep a blog. I don't ever know what to say about us. I sit down to do it and by the time I pick the background I've run out of time to actually post. Why do I feel like my background says a lot about who I am? I suppose I'm a dork. That would explain it, right?

We have finally finished all of our paper work and are meeting with our new social worker on Saturday. Thankfully, we now have someone who knows what she is doing. She is a wonderful help and is very proactive and helping us find our baby. I'm so grateful that things are beginning to go forward again. It is very disheartening at times to not only have to deal with pregnancy announcements now but also other's adoption announcements and progressions when ours had been at a stand still for so long. 

Partly my fault and partly the fault of all the legalities but as I have said many times over, Heavenly Father has it all under control and when it is our time, which it will be some day, He will provide us with our blessing. As all trials in this life are meant to do, my struggle with having more children has helped me grow closer to my family and the Lord. I am grateful for the experiences that I have had to help these things happen.

I remind myself daily, and try to picture in my head, what Heavenly Father would say to me if He were sitting next to me. I can hear Him very plainly telling me "Just wait! It is going to be so much better than you can ever imagine." Not only does that thought bring me peace but it gives me a firm hope that what we desire more than anything in this world will come to pass. I'm grateful for that knowledge.

We are so excited to continue on this journey and can't wait to be approved so we can begin searching for our birth family. We are excited to not only welcome a new baby into our home but a whole new extended family as well. I am going to try my very best to keep this updated so we can pass this info onto our birth parents. 

If you know of anyone who is looking for an adoptive family, please send them our way. It is a journey we would love to share with any of you willing to help:)

As for us, Donnie is doing amazing. He is a great dad and an awesome husband! I love him more now than I did when we were first together. I never understood what people meant about that but I'm beginning to understand. He is going to be finishing up his last year at JSU. Finally! We are excited what that holds for us in the near future. 

I am going to start school again in the Fall in Graphic Design and Photography. I will also be taking some drawing and painting classes. It's something I have always wanted to do but never had the courage to do it. I am so grateful for my family supporting me in this new adventure. 

Josey is incredible. I don't really need to tell you that though, as I am sure all of you that know her will agree:) She is learning to read and is working really hard to learn the sounds of the letters. She can write her first and last name, count to one hundred and is willing to be friends with anyone. She loves to help cook and do the dishes! How I hope that one sticks around forever! She is such a beautiful little girl and I'm so grateful for her in my life. I wouldn't be me without her. We wouldn't be whole without her. 

Not much else is new in our lives. We will be getting some cards to pass out to pretty much everyone for our adoption so if you are willing to pass some out please let us know and we will get them in the mail to you.

once upon a

I'm so bad at keeping this thing updated. I'm going to try really hard to do more. Today I'm going to see Alice and Wonderland with Josey. She's going to love it. I hope anyway. My mom and I always try and watch the cartoon one (I've never seen the whole thing) and we always fall asleep in the middle. Apparently this is a run in the family thing because Josey does it too. We may actually end up seeing the Tooth Fairy instead. She might like that better. Not sure yet. Unless Donnie took her to see that. I can't remember.

Well, we are finished with all of the paperwork and now we wait. Hurry up and wait. Sounds a lot like the military. Hurry up and wait. Such is life I suppose. So we are excitedly awaiting the letter of approval and we'll go from there. Exciting times are ahead!

much accomplished and much to go.

Josey sweetly spilled a cup of water over my cell phone so it now buzzes, apparently when I talk to people. However, the buzz is only on their side, so either I need a new phone or they need new ears. I'm going with the new phone so I cashed in our insurance on our att plan and I am getting a new phone sent out. It's blue not green which is super sad but it should work. Here's hoping.

Before Donnie left for work we were discussing the fact that we were going to have to sit in the 3 hours a Tuesday night class for 10 weeks and listen to someone tell us how to be parents. Now, we know we are not by any means perfect parents but we do strive to be the best we can be. Minus the screaming fits. Mine, not Josey's. So we decided that our tax return is the amount it is for a reason. I'll come back to the rest later.

Yesterday I was able to help out a friend and there was more received on my end then on theirs. I got to hold one of the cutest little boys ever! And while I was doing that I fell in love with the idea of a baby. Then later we went to the Teel's to help with the heater/ac, Donnie not me and mostly Jerry not him, and while I was playing with their little one I realized I want a baby. Josey will just have to deal with being four years older because I WANT A BABY!!!!

So this morning I woke up and went to my parents to use their phone so that I could hear and got my phone situation taken care of. Then I called LDSFS to set up an appt and get some paper work to get us a baby! So with that said, Robin, our caseworker, is sending it tomorrow and then she will either come here or we will go to Georgia.

I realized yesterday that with the whole adoption thing I was expecting to find our kid that accidentally went to the wrong family but that's not really how it works. God doesn't make mistakes. I think I've realized this before, but it didn't stick. So there isn't necessarily a kid out there that was supposed to come to us and didn't just a kid that somewhere is supposed to come to us and went to the right birth mom first. We are so anxious to get things rolling and find us a baby. It's going to be a fun and interesting journey.

So if any of you have a baby you don't want (I know, I know) or know someone who is putting a baby up for adoption let us know.

What a wonderful world...

Once upon a time there was a little boy. This little boy was a spaz and had red hair and freckles and was nothing but trouble. This little boy grew up and became a missionary. This missionary served with all his heart and shared the gospel with some of the most amazing people. This missionary grew up into a man and took his wife to the temple. This man and wife had a little girl and continued on in their happy lives. This man joined the Air National Guard so he could continue to serve. He served his country by going off to war, only to return home safely to his happy family. This man got a promotion and was living his life.

Then one day, he decided to join the magical, mysterious and sometimes evil world of politics. And it was here, in this world of politics, he found his other true love. His place where he could get paid to do what he loved. And I must say folks, he was and will continue to be amazing!

Yes, you guessed it, Donnie had his first political speech last night. He was so good! I am so very proud of him. As we was up there at that podium speaking his heart out, I realized that he had stepped into the place where he has always been meant to be. I am so grateful for the promptings of the spirit to lead us to the true places we are to be.

I can't believe I'm saying it but I'm going to love being a politicians wife. Not because of the politics (obviously) but because Donnie has found that thing that makes him light up every time he talks about it. I always knew he loved getting into heated discussions with friends and family but last night, he had the same light in his eyes that he did when he came home from his mission, the same light that is there every time we attend the temple. The same light that comes with every laugh and smile from our little girl. The same light that Heavenly Father has given us to know that there is one true church and that we are a part of it. He is going to help change the world, one vote at a time and I couldn't be more proud or happy of this place we have reached.

It's such a long road to get to the point where you know you are doing what you were meant to do. I got there when Josey was born. I'm a mommy and I love it! That's the job I've always wanted and how blessed am I to have it! It's the best job ever. And now, Donnie has it too. So often it is important and necessary to do what you can to support those you love. Now, he is going to get to do what he loves to support those he loves.

What a wonderful life.